i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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