shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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