I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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