even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
