dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival