i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
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but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that