I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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