Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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