i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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