I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
