too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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