someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This baby is an asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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