if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It's blow job season.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
