By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
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she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
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Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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