If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
3pm strippers are depressing
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.