she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.