my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cut my penus on the lid.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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