never play flip cup with pint glasses
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize