what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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