i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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