It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I am available for nakedness
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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