i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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