I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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