WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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