Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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