Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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