he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo