did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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