Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.