we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though