just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
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Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
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And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success