Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.