Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me