There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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