If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
