Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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