he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize