I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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