He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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