I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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