come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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