somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.