she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji