My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?