I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?