I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.