i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
