i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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