you're like a bully in the Christmas story
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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