Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
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I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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