youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
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