not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Houston, we have a blender
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize