Is that why you're texting me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!