I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake