I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
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Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?