it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
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So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
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Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.