Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
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Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
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Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?