Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse