we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
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Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.