dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize