Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I love you. Go after that dick
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
