i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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