If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
