I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
