I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
