are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize